Courtship

altM introduces: altMen

altMuslimah (“altM”) will be celebrating its 6th birthday this March, on International Women’s Day. For six years, we’ve been providing cutting edge commentary on a variety of issues pertinent to gender-and-Islam, starting and normalizing discussions the community was previously afraid to broach.   As we begin our 7th year, we…

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Introducing our newest columnist: Relationship counselor, Salma Abugideiri

Please welcome Salma Abugideiri as our newest relationship columnist. Her column will appear bi-weekly, alternating with our other column, AskM. Salma is a licensed, professional counselor with over fifteen years of experience. Her practice is in Northern Virginia. You can find more information on her website: wellnessthroughcounseling.com. She is also a founding Board Member of Peaceful Families Project, a national organization dedicated to domestic violence prevention in the Muslim community.

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Five ways we can reform the “traditional desi marriage” process

I am fascinated by the depth of emotion and expression of diverse perspectives evoked by the Love InshAllah blogpost “How I met my son’s mother” by Mezba Mahtab. Women and men, married and unmarried, single by choice and by chance, spoke up, and, in light of their personal stories, explained why the piece was based on ill-founded notions and this approach to marriage is detrimental to our communities.
The online community may be up in arms over the issue, but the truth is, this “buyer’s market” (as Aisha Saeed aptly called it in her response) isn’t going anywhere.

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How self-worth impacts our relationships

During our search for a spouse, and even once we are married and settled, we tend to focus outwardly on our relationships with others and minimize the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves. This imbalance can manifest itself in many ways. We may completely lose our senses in the initial rush of a relationship or marriage, or fall to pieces in its painful demise.

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Why are parents making it hard to complete half our deen?

“Sorry, we’re looking for a doctor.”
“We want someone from Pakistan, not India.”
“He is too dark.”
“We have a gut feeling that he is not the right person for you.”

Do these statements sound familiar?
If you are one of the many Muslims engaged in the marriage process, it is likely you have heard similar phrases from your parents or even the parents of possible suitors.

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