I’m a mother of identical twin boys. They’re eligible young bachelors – tall, athletic, and finishing up medical school. I have heard of a great girl from a woman in my community. She is young, educated, religious, though she does not wear hijab. Her aunt says she is looking to get married. How should I proceed, especially since one of my sons prefers that his wife wear hijab? Please help!
Mama bear in need of wives for her twins
Dear Mama Bear,
I can only imagine the difficulty of raising two sons simultaneously. Two little monsters that can eat dirt and stick pens up their noses at the same time. Two sets of legos that can be stepped on as you make your way to the bathroom for fajr wudu. Two wives that need to be found, vetted, and approved before two weddings can be scheduled, planned and paid for.
I’m sure you’ve had to become an expert in skills and multitasking in ways that others mothers never dream of. And the task of simultaneously finding two women for your two sons at the same time is yet another skill you must master.
Luckily for you and unluckily for me, my experience with twins will give you a step by step guide of how to not go about seeking wives for your twins.
Let’s call this woman you’ve found Aisha, and let’s say that you think one of your sons (Twin A) should meet her. Aisha is not a hijabi, so first things first, Twin A should not be the one that prefers a hijabi.
If you’ve managed to schedule a meeting with Aisha, be sure to tell him about it. This may seem like common sense, but it apparently must be said. Mothers, if you schedule a setup for your son, tell him about it!
If for some reason you choose to ignore this first piece of advice, do not be surprised if Twin A does not show up for the meeting. Mama bear, your son is in medical school and may be busy the day you have picked! However do not panic! This is not necessarily a sign that the setup is doomed, so simply reschedule the meeting.
If you choose not to reschedule the meeting, please do not suggest that Twin B meet Aisha instead. Consider how confusing this is for her! Is Twin B a stand-in for Twin A? Is he going as a suitor himself? Is he just an observer? Did Twin A somehow find out about the meeting and send Twin B as his spy?
You should also keep a vigilant eye on the Twins’ grandmothers. As most of us know, grandmothers can be wily, and this is especially true of grandmothers that desire great-grandchildren. Mama bear, if your Grandma bear can get a fortune for a beat up car with 200,000 miles on it, please do not let her even casually mention Aisha to Twin B.
If you somehow fail to follow all of the above advice, fret not. You will not be alone in this failure. To salvage things, explain the proposed Twin swap to Aisha. Since Grandma bear has worked her saleswoman magic and sold your hijab-preferring Twin B on non-hijab wearing Aisha, be clear with her about his interest. Remember, for all she knows Twin B could be acting as a spy!
After all of this, Aisha may still agree to meet Twin B – perhaps she has temporarily lost her mind or has spoken with her own persuasive grandmother. Whatever the reason, be grateful she has agreed to meet him. However, beware as there is one last thing that could ruin it all. You must not suggest that she meet Twin A if things do not go well with Twin B. I’m sorry Mama bear, but you cannot have your cake and eat it too.
Aisha cannot marry both of your sons, therefore she can only meet and consider one as a prospective partner. She must trust your view of which Twin is a better fit.
If you only take one piece of advice from this story, let it be this: please don’t destroy that trust.
To all the Mama bears, I pray that your twin sons seek out love at slightly staggered times – for all of your sakes and the sakes of the women you’ll try to set them up with!
Aisha, who did not end up with Twin A or B
(Photo Source: Toni Blay)
This post is a feature of the altM/Ishqr partnership.